I want us to go to couples therapy, but he says it's a waste of time. Can we fix our relationship without professional help?

I want us to go to couples therapy, but he says it's a waste of time. Can we fix our relationship without professional help?


June 30, 2025 | Penelope Singh

I want us to go to couples therapy, but he says it's a waste of time. Can we fix our relationship without professional help?


When one partner feels that couples therapy would be a good idea, but the other dismisses it as pointless, frustration and resignation can often follow. The good news is that many couples do improve their connection through self-help strategies, open communication, and mutual effort, even with no formal counseling.

Understanding The Resistance To Therapy

Some people reject therapy due to stigma, skepticism, or fear of vulnerability. Others think airing their dirty laundry with a stranger won’t help. Figuring out your partner’s hesitation, or even outright refusal, is essential. Are they afraid of blame? Do they feel judged? Getting to the root of their reluctance can open a conversation and get past their squirmy defensiveness.

cottonbro studiocottonbro studio, Pexels

Advertisement

Strengthening Communication At Home

Many couples see progress just by improving how they communicate with one another. Practicing active listening, using “I” statements instead of accusations, and avoiding interrupting the other person will all foster better understanding. Expressing emotions calmly and validating each other’s feelings can allow space for discussion without a therapist present.

Learning Together Through Relationship Resources

Self-help books, podcasts, and online resources are the raw materials used by professional therapists. Books like Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson or The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman lay out research-based strategies for improving connection and settling disputes. Reading or listening together could encourage shared understanding and teamwork; but again, don’t try to force this material on a reluctant partner.

Setting Small, Achievable Goals

Change doesn’t need to happen right this minute; treating the problem as an emergency will only stress the two of you out. Set small achievable goals, like weekly check-ins, designated no-phone dinner times, or expressing appreciation daily. This can rebuild trust and intimacy if done consistently. These good habits encourage both partners to invest in the relationship without the oppressive thought of an upcoming therapy session hanging over everything.

Ketut SubiyantoKetut Subiyanto, Pexels

Advertisement

Identifying Patterns And Triggers

Many relationship struggles stem from unrecognized patterns. For example, recurring arguments may follow the same emotional script. Pinpointing these cycles, such as one partner withdrawing while the other rambles on, can help you break out of destructive ruts. Recognizing triggers and agreeing to put conflicts on pause before they spiral out of control fosters a healthier dynamic.

What About Alternative Support Systems?

If traditional therapy is out of the question, there are alternatives out there. Relationship workshops, online courses, or support groups give structured guidance without the commitment of weekly counseling sessions. Even solo counseling can help one partner build the skills to improve the relationship, although you’re probably better off if both of you participate in growth.

Respecting Personal Boundaries

It’s natural to want to seek professional support, but pressuring a partner into therapy could backfire. If they feel like they're being dragged into it, they’re unlikely to engage in a meaningful way. Respect their personal boundaries while expressing your own needs clearly. Sometimes, focusing on personal growth and leading by example can motivate a reluctant partner to reconsider therapy over time.

RDNE Stock projectRDNE Stock project, Pexels

Advertisement

When Outside Help Is Necessary

Some relationship challenges really do require professional support, especially when there are patterns of emotional abuse, manipulation, or unresolved trauma. Communication and self-help tools can certainly improve many relationships, but if there’s something more serious going on, you’ll need the guiding hand of an experienced mediator to navigate safely and constructively.

Moving Forward

Couples therapy can be beneficial, but it’s not the only path to improving a relationship. Honest communication, self-help resources, and small positive changes, can help couples make meaningful progress without professional intervention. Last but not least, both partners have to be willing to engage, reflect, and put in the work to create lasting change.

You May Also Like:

Harnessing The Power Of Active Listening

10 Mistakes People Make In Their Relationships—And How To Fix Them

My boyfriend can barely tear his face away from his video games to talk to me anymore. I feel like he loves his games more than me. What should I do?

Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4


READ MORE

Healthyhabits Internal

10 Good Habits To Keep Your Mind Sharp

Developing healthy habits is essential to keeping our minds flexible and robust in the modern age.
February 23, 2024 Peter Kinney
Supplements Internal

Best Daily Supplements For Good Health

One way we can help ourselves maintain good health is by using daily vitamins that support our biological processes and keep us in tip-top shape.
February 26, 2024 Alex Summers
Skincare Internal

Best Anti-Aging Ingredients To Look For In Your Skincare Products

Determining which components of a skincare product actually work is a crucial part of building a skincare routine.
February 15, 2024 Matthew Burke
Houseplants Internal

The Best Home Plants For Cleaner Air

Adding some greenery to your living space can make a huge difference to your quality of life. Some plants can even clean the air that you breathe!
May 5, 2024 Marlon Wright
Fabricsoftener Internal

Do You Really Need To Use Fabric Softener?

Is fabric softener a must-have, or is it just a nice-to-have?
April 22, 2024 Penelope Singh