When it’s just the two of you, he’s affectionate, attentive, and kind. But the second you get into a group setting, at dinner, a party, or hanging out with friends, he turns into a different person. Now, you’re the punchline. He teases your appearance, your quirks, or your intelligence, and everyone laughs. You force a smile, but let’s face it, it stings to be the constant butt of his jokes. Are you overreacting, or is this a red flag?
Pay Close Attention To Your Feelings
The primary signal is your own discomfort. Are you embarrassed, belittled, or humiliated by his “jokes”? Are you dreading upcoming social situations because of what he might say? Your feelings are normal. Nobody enjoys being made fun of by a bunch of wise-cracking half-wits. Healthy teasing is supposed to make both people laugh, not leave one person feeling terrible. If this is happening constantly, it’s time to start looking deeper.
Teasing And Mocking: There’s A Difference
Good-natured teasing is one thing, but there’s a fine line between playfulness and cruelty. Teasing becomes harmful when it targets sensitive subjects, happens repeatedly, or keeps on going after you’ve asked for it to stop. According to therapist Beverly Engel, toxic partners often disguise criticism or emotional abuse as humor to avoid accountability. It’s an underhanded way of putting you down.
Is He Laughing With You Or At You?
There’s a big difference between someone laughing with you and someone laughing at you. Both people should be in on the joke. If he’s drawing attention to you in front of others and laughing while you cringe, that’s not teasing, it’s disrespect. It may be a superficial attempt to assert power or show off in front of his guy friends.
Does The Behavior Stop When You Bring It Up?
Have you asked him to stop, and if so, how did he respond? A caring partner will apologize and make an honest effort to change. But if he gives you the brush-off with “you’re too sensitive” or “you can’t take a joke,” that’s gaslighting. He’s telling you your feelings don’t matter, instead of taking responsibility. This is textbook toxic behavior.
Watch For A Pattern Of Public Versus Private Behavior
Many emotionally manipulative people show one side in private and another in public. Being sweet when you’re alone but disrespectful in front of others can be a way to keep you off balance and control the narrative. It can have you questioning your own judgment and it could even spill over into making others doubt your concerns. After all, they only see his “funny” or “charming” side.
Ask A Trusted Friend If They’ve Noticed
If you’re still on the fence about whether or not you’re being too sensitive, talk to a friend that you can confide in. Ask them if they’ve observed this pattern when you’re together in a group. Have they noticed him putting you down? Do they think the “jokes” are sometimes uncalled for? The third-party viewpoint of a respected friend will help you gain a better perspective.
Always Set Your Own Boundaries
Let him know clearly and directly that these jokes aren’t funny to you and that they need to stop. Don’t soften the message or make excuses. If he respects your boundary, that’s a promising sign. But if he keeps on going as before, or worse, makes fun of you for having a boundary, that’s a blatant show of disrespect. You could even call it emotional abuse.
Photo By: Kaboompics.com, Pexels
You Deserve Respect Wherever You Are
Love has its public and private sides. A partner who values you doesn’t use you as the punchline for his idiotic jokes. You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who’s constantly cutting you down.
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